Feeling horrible

Well this morning I woke after having a really horrible dream that Jaiden had died. I was looking at him and he seemed so alive, so I was ringing my close friend to confirm that he was dead. She said, "yes he died, it happened yesterday". ....................then I woke up.

You see, we have been through a lot of trauma. Jaiden and Hannah were born 15 weeks too early. We spent months wondering if they would survive.


They were on home oxygen for almost 9 months, we were petrified by colds (I still am!). We have had many many trips to hospital by ambulance and our own transport.

Perhaps I was feeling a little safer as for the last 12 months (touch wood) we haven't had any hospital trips. He has gotten through his viral infections.

and

then methane comes along, I no longer feel safe as it along with the other gases it can (in a large concentration) cause oxygen to be displaced. I can't control it, no-one can. The monitor underneath the sink only monitors there. I even inquired if an oxygen saturation monitor on Jaiden would alarm us, unfortunately it wont.

So my dreams are also affected........I now want to find that bubble I wanted when they were born again, so they are protected and safe..